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I want you to imagine walking into a magnificent building, soaring ceilings, elegant architecture.

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Everything is just perfectly designed.

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But here's the thing.

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Every single doorway is just two inches too narrow for your shoulders.

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You can get through technically, you just have to turn sideways, squeeze, hold your breath, and then maybe everyone else seems to walk through.

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Normally chatting, laughing while you're calculating angles and timing your entry.

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After a while, you get good at it.

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So good that people don't even notice you're squeezing through.

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They just see someone who fits in just right.

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That building, that's not a metaphor.

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That is your life.

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Three weeks ago, I discovered something that changed everything I thought I knew about being different.

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It all started with a simple question from a listener.

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She said, Anita, why am I so exhausted all the time when I'm not even doing anything difficult?

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What I found will make you see every interaction, every institution, every normal experience in your life, completely differently.

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Because once you see the architecture of invisibility, you can't unsee it.

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And you know what?

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It's everywhere.

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Welcome to Neuro Rebel.

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I'm Anita, and if you're here, you probably know that feeling, the exhaustion that comes from nowhere, the sense that everyone else got a manual you never received and the suspicion that you are working twice as hard to achieve what others seem to do so effortlessly.

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Today's episode started as an investigation into something personal, a listener's question that seems simple, but haunted me.

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Why do I feel like I am performing in my own life?

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What I discovered wasn't just personal.

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It was architectural.

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Let me tell you about Sarah.

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Sarah is a brilliant PhD in engineering with patents to her name and respected by colleagues.

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But Sarah came to me exhausted, confused, and asking a question I have heard a hundred times.

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If I am so successful, why do I feel like I am drowning?

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Sarah had just figured out she's autistic at age 47, and with that diagnosis came the devastating realization that she had been squeezing through those narrow doorways her entire life and thinking that the problem was her shoulders.

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But here's what I discovered when I started investigating Sarah's story and dozens like it.

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The problem was never her shoulders.

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The problem is that someone built those doorways exactly two inches too narrow, and then convinced us that it was our fault for not fitting through them.

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what I'm about to share with you will change how you see every school you've attended, every job you have held, every family gathering you have endured and every medical appointment where you left feeling unheard.

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Because we're not just talking about individual struggles, we are talking about systemic architectural decisions that render millions of us invisible while celebrating our resilience in surviving the ability to squeeze through them.

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the trail started with research.

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I stumbled across at two in the morning.

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I was down one of those internet rabbit holes.

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I'm sure we've all been down.

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You know which ones I'm talking about.

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When you start looking up one thing and suddenly it's dawn, and you've discovered the secrets of the universe.

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The paper that stopped me cold was published in 2020 by researchers Monique Boha and David Frost.

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The title seemed academic enough, but hang in there with me for a second.

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The title was extending the Minority Stress Model to understand mental health problems experienced by the autistic population.

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But let me translate that from academic speak into human language.

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You know how being a part of a marginalized group, like for example, being gay in a homophobic society or being black in a racist one Creates unique stresses that straight white people never have had to deal with.

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That's what they call minority stress.

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It's not just individual prejudice.

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It's the constant psychological weight of existing in systems that simply weren't built for you.

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Well, these researchers had a radical idea and they asked, what if being autistic in a neurotypical world creates that same kind of minority stress?

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What if the mental health struggles autistic people face aren't, because autism is inherently problematic, but because we are living as a minority group in a hostile territory.

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So they took the research framework that helped us understand lgbtq plus mental health disparities and applied it to autistic experiences.

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But instead of asking what's wrong with autistic brains, they asked, what's wrong with the environments?

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Autistic people are forced to navigate.

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That simple shift in perspective, it changes everything.

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They found that the strategies autistic people use to fit in what researchers call masking or camouflaging weren't just exhausting.

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They were literally predictive of anxiety, depression, and poor mental health outcomes, not autism itself, the hiding of autism.

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Wait, let me say that again because this is crucial.

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The research showed that being autistic does not predict mental health problems hiding that you're autistic does.

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I sat there staring at the study, thinking about Sarah, thinking about myself, and thinking about every late diagnosed adult who'd ever said to me.

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I thought I was just broken.

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But then I found something even more disturbing.

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I started digging deeper into masking research study after study, all pointing to the same conclusion.

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A massive meta-analysis published in 2024 looked at nearly 6,000 autistic participants across multiple countries, and the results were stark, Moderate to strong correlations between camouflage and anxiety and depression and social anxiety, but negative correlations with wellbeing, quality of life, or a sense of belonging.

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The numbers were telling a story that no one seemed to be hearing, but here's where it gets personal.

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As I am reading these studies, I keep thinking about my own story.

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50 years of what I thought was just being professional.

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50 years of monitoring my facial expressions, modulating my voice, suppressing my natural responses.

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50 years of squeezing through doorways I didn't even realize were two too narrow.

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And then I had a thought that made everything click into place What if this isn't individual pathology?

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What if this is really about environmental design?

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What if the exhaustion, the depression, the anxiety?

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What if those aren't really symptoms of being different, but rather what if they are symptoms of living in a world built for someone else?

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That's when I realized I wasn't really looking at medical research.

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I was looking at architectural blueprints.

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And once I started seeing it as architecture, everything changed.

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Suddenly I could see the blueprints everywhere.

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Let me show you what I mean.

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Let's go along on a trip.

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Our first stop.

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Think about schools, not the obvious stuff.

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We all know about sensory overload and social challenges and linear thinking or linear teaching.

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I'm talking about the invisible architecture.

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The way classroom participation, grades reward, quick verbal processing over deep thinking.

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The assumption that learning happens best in groups and that applies to everyone, or the way that quote, paying attention is defined by neurotypical eye contact and body language patterns.

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Sarah told me about her daughter, a brilliant kid who loves mathematics, but she was failing at participation grades because she needed processing time before speaking.

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And what was the teacher solution?

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She told her, just speak up more.

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Just speak up more as if the problem was individual courage rather than systemic design.

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But here's what's insidious.

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The system doesn't say, we don't want different kinds of minds.

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It says, everyone is welcome.

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Just be yourself, but make sure the version of you that comes here fits our predetermined molds.

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Second stop.

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Let's consider workplaces.

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Sarah described her corporate job, open plan offices with constant noise and interruption.

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Meetings that prioritized verbal brainstorming over written reflection and performance reviews that measured cultural fit, which is really code for how well you perform.

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Narrow typicality.

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The job posting never said neurotypicals only, but every single requirement from the interview process to the daily expectations assumed neurotypical functioning, Sarah succeeded anyway, but at what cost?

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Migraines from fluorescent lights.

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She couldn't mention exhaustion from processing social cues all day and weekends spent recovering from being on for 40 hours a week.

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And here's the part that broke my heart.

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When Sarah finally got her autism diagnosis, her first emotion wasn't relief.

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It was grief.

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Grief for all the energy she'd spent hiding all the opportunities she had missed because she was too exhausted to take risks and all the relationships that she never formed because she was too busy performing to be authentic.

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But the architecture runs deeper than education and employment.

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It's embedded in healthcare itself.

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Sarah's diagnostic journey took six years.

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Six years of seeking help for executive function struggles, sensory overwhelm, and social exhaustion.

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Doctor after doctor, missing what was hiding in plain sight.

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Why?

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Because diagnostic criteria were built around young boys.

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White boys observed externally, and without understanding how masking works.

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The architecture of diagnosis itself was designed for visibility, not invisibility, and this is where the research gets really disturbing.

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Studies show that women, people of color and individuals from lower socioeconomic backgrounds face even longer diagnostic delays.

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The architecture doesn't just exclude, it creates hierarchies of exclusion.

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If you're autistic and also dealing with racism, sexism, classism, homophobia, you are not just squeezing through narrow doorways, you are navigating a maze where every turn reveals another obstacle.

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But here's what I realized as I dove deeper into this research.

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This architecture isn't accidental.

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It's not a series of unfortunate oversights.

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These systems were designed to identify, sort, and optimize for specific types of functioning.

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They were built around assumptions about how mines should work, how bodies should move, and how people should interact, and anyone who deviated from those assumptions, well, the architecture rendered them invisible.

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I was deep in this research when I had what I can only call an epiphany.

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I was reading something called intersectional invisibility, how people with multiple marginalized identities become erased even from movements designed to help them.

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And suddenly, Sarah's story wasn't just about autism.

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It was about a systemic pattern of architectural exclusion that affects millions of people across multiple identities.

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The immigrant who learns to hide their accent.

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The woman in academia who modulates her voice to sound less threatening, the LGBTQ plus person who performs heteronormativity at family gatherings, and the person with chronic illness who smiles through pain to avoid being seen as difficult.

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All of them are squeezing through doorways built too narrowly.

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All of them exhausted from the constant performance.

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All of them told the problem is individual rather than architectural.

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But here's the revelation that changed everything for me.

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What we call resilience is often just evidence of systematic failure.

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Think about that.

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Every time someone says, you are so strong, or I don't know how you do it, or even with all your challenges, you've made it this far.

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What they are actually identifying is a person who has learned to survive in a hostile architecture.

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We are not celebrating strength.

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We are celebrating successful invisibility.

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And that's when I understood something profound about Sarah's exhaustion, about my own diagnostic journey and about every late discovered neurodivergent person I have ever met.

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We weren't failing at being normal.

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We were succeeding at being invisible we learned to mask so well that even, we forgot what was underneath.

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We performed neuro typicality so convincingly that we convinced ourselves.

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But the cost, oh, the cost was enormous.

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I started thinking about all the innovation we've lost, all the brilliant minds too.

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Exhausted from masking to take intellectual risks, All the creative solutions that were never proposed because the people who could see them were too busy trying to think like everybody else.

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Sarah told me something that haunts me.

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I spent 20 years trying to solve problems the way my colleagues expected instead of the way my brain naturally worked.

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Imagine what I could have discovered if I had trusted my own thinking.

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Multiply that by millions of hidden neurodivergent people worldwide.

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Multiply it by every identity group forced into invisibility by architectural exclusion.

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But wait.

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I need to stop myself here because I'm doing something dangerous.

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I'm talking about the value of neurodivergent people in terms of what we can produce, what we can contribute, how useful we can be to society, and that's not why we matter.

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We don't need to justify our existence through innovation or productivity or special talents.

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We matter because we are human beings.

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The real cost of this architecture isn't lost patents or missed discoveries.

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It's lost childhoods, lost decades of self-acceptance Lost lost relationships because we were too exhausted from performance to show up authentically.

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It is Sarah crying in her car after meetings because she'd spent all her energy monitoring her facial expressions instead of engaging with ideas she loved.

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It's the 11-year-old who stops asking questions because their curiosity has been labeled disruptive, and it's the teenager who learns that their natural way of moving through the world is somehow wrong.

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The architecture of invisibility doesn't just hide our contributions.

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It steals our joy.

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It robs us of the fundamental human experience of being known and accepted for who we really are.

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Multiply that by millions of hidden neurodivergent people worldwide.

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Multiply it by every identity group, forced into invisibility by architectural exclusion.

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The loss isn't innovation or productivity.

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The loss is human flourishing.

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The loss is lives lived in full color instead of shades of gray.

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But here's the thing that gives me hope.

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Once you see the architecture, you can't unsee it.

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And once you can't unsee it, you start noticing something else.

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You start seeing the cracks.

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The loss isn't just personal trauma.

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It's massive societal deficit.

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Sarah called me three months after her diagnosis and her voice was different, lighter, more energetic, and she told me something that perfectly captures what happens when the architecture becomes visible.

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Anita, she said, I stop trying to fit through the doorways.

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She had started requesting accommodations at work, not dramatic changes, but things like noise canceling headphones, written agendas before meetings, the option to process complex decisions overnight instead of immediately.

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Her productivity increased by 40%.

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Her stress related migraines disappeared, and her relationships with colleagues improved because she was finally showing up as herself authentically instead of a performance.

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But here's what was revolutionary.

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Sarah didn't just change her own experience.

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She started noticing other people squeezing through those narrow doorways as well.

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The colleague who seemed antisocial, but who was actually overwhelmed by the open office chaos.

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And the student who appeared disengaged but was actually processing information differently, and that family member who seemed rigid but was managing sensory overwhelm,.

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Once you see the architecture of invisibility, you start seeing invisible people everywhere, and that's when transformation becomes possible because here's what I learned from Sarah's story and dozens of others.

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Inclusion isn't accommodation.

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It's redesign.

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Accommodation says we will make exceptions so that you can survive in our unchanged system.

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But redesign says we will build systems that work for human variations from the start.

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I started finding examples of this everywhere.

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Once I knew what to look for.

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Companies that redesigned their interview processes around skills demonstration rather than social performance, for example, or schools that offered multiple ways to show knowledge instead of standardized testing.

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And healthcare systems that trained providers to recognize, masking and understand intersectional presentations, the results, not just better outcomes for neurodivergent people, but enhanced innovation and problem solving across all populations.

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And this is where the story gets really interesting, because Sarah's transformation didn't stop with accommodations.

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She started questioning.

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Other narrow doorways in her life, the social expectations that drained her energy, the family dynamics that required performance, and the internal voices telling her she needed to be someone else to be acceptable.

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Sarah told me, I've realized I had been so focused on fitting through doorways that I never asked who built them, why they built them that way, and whether they needed to exist at all.

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That's the perspective cascade.

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That's the moment when individual healing becomes collective transformation.

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Because once you understand that your exhaustion isn't personal failure, but architectural violence, once you see that your differences aren't deficits, but variations that systems refuse to accommodate, that changes everything.

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You stop trying to fix yourself and start examining the structures around you.

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So here's my question for you listening right now.

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Which doorways are you squeezing through?

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What energy are you spending on performance that could be channeled into creation?

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And what parts of yourself are you hiding that the world desperately needs to see?

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Because here's what Sarah's story taught me, what all this research confirmed and what every late diagnosed person I've ever met eventually discovers the problem was never your shoulders.

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The problem is that someone somewhere made decisions about how doorways should be built, and those decisions, whether conscious or unconscious, excluded millions of people.

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But decisions can be unmade.

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An architecture can be redesigned.

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Every time you refuse to squeeze through a doorway that's too narrow for you.

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You are creating a space for someone else to walk through normally.

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Every time you request an accommodation, you are making invisible barriers visible Every time you show up authentically.

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Instead of performing neuro typicality, you are giving someone else permission to do the same.

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This isn't just about neurodivergence.

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This is about creating a world where human variation is seen as a resource rather than a problem where difference is cultivated rather than eliminated, and where innovation emergence from the margins instead of the center.

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Sarah ended our last conversation with something profound she said.

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I spent 47 years thinking I was the problem.

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Now I see.

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I was actually the solution to problems that nobody was asking the right questions about.

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so let me ask you.

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What problems are you the solution to?

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What questions is your different way of thinking?

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Uniquely positioned to answer what would become possible if you stopped spending energy on invisibility and started in investing it in innovation.

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Into yourself, your wellbeing and being seen?

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the architecture of invisibility was built through thousands of individual decisions, policy choices, and cultural assumptions, which means it can be dismantled in the same way.

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One accommodation request, one authentic conversation.

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One.

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Refusal to perform someone else's version of normal, one person at a time deciding they're done squeezing through doorways that are built to narrowly.

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I want to leave you with an image that's been haunting me since I started this investigation.

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Imagine if Sarah had discovered her autism at 17 instead of 47, 30 years of energy that could have been spent on innovation instead of camouflage 30 years of authentic relationships instead of performed connections, 30 years of trusting her brilliant mind instead of doubting it.

00:28:12.469 --> 00:28:17.749
30 years of taking care of her wellbeing instead of collapsing from burnout.

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Now multiply that by everyone who is still hidden, still squeezing through those doorways and still convinced that the problem is their shoulders.

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The loss is staggering.

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But so is the possibility if you are listening to this and recognizing yourself in Sarah's story.

00:28:41.878 --> 00:28:53.848
If you are exhausted from performance, confused by your own success and wondering why everything feels harder for you than someone else, I want you to know something.

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You are not broken, you are not too much or too little, or somehow wrong.

00:29:01.023 --> 00:29:11.019
You are a brilliant mind trying to exist in an architecture designed for different kinds of thinking, and that architecture, it's not permanent.

00:29:11.919 --> 00:29:14.288
It's not natural, and it's not inevitable.

00:29:14.828 --> 00:29:18.818
It's just current and current can be changed.

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The revolution isn't coming.

00:29:22.493 --> 00:29:30.834
It's here, and it starts with the radical act of refusing to disappear, of refusing to be invisible.

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Let's stop squeezing through doorways that were built too narrowly.

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Your authentic self isn't the problem that needs.

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Solving your authentic self is the solution the world is waiting for.

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You've been listening to Neuro Rebel.

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I'm Anita, and if this episode changed how you see your world, please share it with someone who needs to hear it.

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Remember, you don't need to be fixed.

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You need to be seen.

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If this episode helped you understand things differently and you want to support my work, buy me a cup of coffee on my webpage rebel@neuralrebelpodcast.com.

00:30:17.490 --> 00:30:28.651
Not because you owe me anything, but because together we can continue to build maps that can redesign the world where we can all fit in and walk through every door.

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Thank you so much for listening.

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Keep questioning, keep challenging, keep being beautifully, authentically, unapologetically yourself.