WEBVTT

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Some stories arrive late but never too late.

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Many adults ADHD es discovered not in c.

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But decades later after careers after relationships after years of self research suggests that to four percent of the Adult population lives with ad and most.

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when the label comes it explains a lot but it also sters grief en also thoughts about what could have been.

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The of lived experience research enticing hay manita en today we deep the a germany to the carib became a Journey from confusion.

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Oliver story something profound that anger often masks overwhelm that perfectionism can be both a gift and a burden and that understanding your brains wiring can transform not just how you work but how you love how you live en no.

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This is a Conversation about recognition revelation and the radical act learning.

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Oliver, I want to thank you for being here on Neuro Rebel.

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Your story is powerful, and not just because of the challenges you faced, but because of the honesty and reflection you bring to it.

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You have lived across continents, built a career and customer support, and created a life here in the Caribbean where you found the love of your life.

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And alongside all of that, you've been navigating.

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A DHD and finding your diagnosis late in life.

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And I'm really glad we get to explore that journey together today, how a DHD has revealed itself, how it shaped your life, and how therapy gave you a new lens to live in your authentic self.

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So welcome to Neuro Rebel.

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Thank you.

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I appreciate the warm welcome and I'm very excited to be here.

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Thank you so much.

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Great.

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Let's dive right in.

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Let's start with therapy, which is how you came to your late diagnosis.

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You first went to therapy because of conflict, snapping, reacting fast, feeling overwhelmed with your partner.

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You went in looking for answers about anger and came out with a DHD on the table.

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So when you first started therapy, what did you think was wrong and how did A DHD enter the conversation?

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I did not know what was wrong, right?

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So I was at the point of my life where I realized that this problem had a cured various times before.

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But it's obviously as it, it is something in you and it is something.

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Something bad in general, right?

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People would see it bad.

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You get angry very quick.

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It's not something where you like to confront yourself with, so it takes a while to understand it.

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Just look for help.

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Maybe there's someone that can help you, right?

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And and literally the first session in therapy the very, very first session, the very first hour.

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Obviously a therapist asks you, look, so why are you here?

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Why are you here?

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And the first sentence is, yeah, I have, I think I have an anger problem.

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Or I often, I'm exploding relatively quick.

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I'm ing things and I'm, yeah, I'm getting angry often and that this affects my, my partnership and I wanna find out what can I do, right?

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So it was a very general approach.

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And I was not at all thinking that this is anywhere related to A DHS

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okay.

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So tell me more about what happened when your therapist said, I think you might want to be evaluated, or, I think it's a good idea for you to talk to an evaluator to see if this is a DHD.

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What was your reaction?

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What were your thoughts?

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It actually took us quite a long time, therapy is not, it's not about this one hour like in the doctor.

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Checks your heart rate and looks in your throat and then says, oh, you have this.

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No, it takes time, right?

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It takes weeks, maybe months, and there's a lot of questions.

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I can understand that a lot of people are very uncomfortable with it because it's very new.

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Someone that you don't know is asking you very.

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Private questions about your life, right?

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And if you're not up to this it's maybe also hard for you and then it even takes longer because if you're not honest there, then you're not gonna progress, right?

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So you need to find also a therapist that you can, that you can't have a conversation with friends, because they're asking very a lot of questions.

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They're asking very direct questions.

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And you will sometimes have to think, sometimes the answer just shows up some days later, maybe.

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But.

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Yeah, you're investigating first with a lot of questions.

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You will go back in your childhood which is always the answer I think for a lot of things.

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And and you never do this in your normal life.

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You never think about your life.

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Is there something that I'm doing now that is, and you don't even have to figure out is it wrong or is it bad, or is it a bad attitude?

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Is it a good attitude?

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What, whatever it is there something that you are doing now in your life?

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That you are only doing because you were taught.

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So when you were six not, also not taught, but you experienced it and you were thought, you thought this was the wrong right way to do it.

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So from then you do it and you never, no one ever told you, actually, this is not really good what you doing?

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Maybe you can do it different.

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And and yeah, so it took, like with my therapy, the word A DHD didn't appear immediately.

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Let's say after one or two months.

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I think also my therapist, which was maybe really good, didn't throw it in too early to not confuse me or not give you the give me the experience of something like, ha, so I know what's your sickness, right?

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Rather than telling you with everything that you experienced during the therapy, you actually find out what you have, because if you then research what all these things are.

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They all lead to a DHD, right?

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Yeah.

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And you brought up a great point because diagnosis doesn't occur in a vacuum, right?

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We are a product and we are shaped by where we grew up and how we grew up.

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And for you, this was East Germany.

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Now where order was virtue where disorder meant discomfort, what messages did you get about discipline order or being different and now looking back at your childhood and now that you have this A DHD lens, are there moments that now make sense to you that maybe didn't make sense back then?

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How are you processing all of that?

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The, there's a lot, there's many.

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There's I don't know, there's no number of this.

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There's so many, right?

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So you're therapy and and everyday life still.

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Now there's things that I experienced and I think, oh wait, this is, wow.

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I remember something from my childhood.

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I can connect it, right?

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It's really just that the connection is there now and looking at East Germany.

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And at the time being a child, let me also say, okay, I, I grew up in the end of East Germany.

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Like my school started when East Germany was over.

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Technically, physically, but obviously the culture was still there for many years.

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In some areas it is still there now.

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So for one example is very simple from my school that I literally remember the words of, we were wearing, I think it was in first, second, or maybe third grade.

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So I was very young.

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So you don't, you're it's blurry.

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But I remember someone saying, where we're talking and we're talking about another student, and it was said like, oh yeah, did you hear they have a DHD, and it had this, like I said, it now it has this negative touch.

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And and we also thought, oh, it's a adhd.

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Oh, so it's not that you were scared of them or something, but it was something negative and it was something, it was a, it was an illness and it was something.

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Oh, what, and from the pure wording, it was described as, oh, they're they have the lack of attention.

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In the German translation, it basically also translates to, to a syndrome that lacks of attention and they're, or they're hyperactive or both, right?

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Something like this.

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But we're also, as kids in that age, we had no idea to how to investigate this better and become a better objective way of seeing this, right?

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It was there and then it was it, and then something else that I realized now.

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Connected to this is, and it's very funny.

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So all my first school how do you say this?

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The what do you what is it, what you receive at the end of school year?

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Sorry.

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And you

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graduate?

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Or,

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yeah, no the notes like every year where the grades are on.

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Oh, yes.

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Your report card.

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Yeah.

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The report cut.

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So in at least the very first four years.

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And the funny thing is, my, my mom still has these, right?

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I don't know if every mom is doing this, but my mom is, you can go now to my parents' house, so you know where the folder is and she will show you my first grade scorecard.

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And on all of them, the first sentence in the written review, the first sentence was, and I'm not lying.

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Oliver is a good student, but he has problems with paying attention.

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Which is now I know, right?

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Yes, I know.

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And I remember.

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And, but at that time, no one looked at it in the way, so why is he doing this?

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Why is it was just that, yeah.

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That's his problem and let's work on it.

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Or that it was pushed to the parents.

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You gotta do something about it.

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Sometimes he's just in his mind somewhere else.

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And when I remember one, one really important thing with my therapist.

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It was first grade and it's one of these memories that's very blurry, but you remember it.

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Sometimes things are, they're just there.

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You'll never forget them.

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That I had a window seat in the first grade.

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In in, in our classroom, first grade in Germany, you had all classes in one classroom, you almost never changed.

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And I had this window seat, which is great.

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But for a DHD people, not because there's a lot of things outside.

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So I was looking out of the window and I was seeing like whatever was their nature.

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And if teacher talks to me and caught me and not paying attention, that was awful.

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And it was also.

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You were then you were negative.

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You were like dumb school in, in, in front of everyone.

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So why are you not paying attention?

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Why are you looking out at the window?

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What's wrong with you?

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So this all had a negative touch and you felt bad about it, right?

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Instead of someone actually trying to help you and say okay, maybe you should investigate why this is right,

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so now that you know that a DHD is not a disease, that it's a neurodivergent condition, in many cases it's genetic.

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Do you approach it differently and can you see any of these manifestations in any family members?

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Yeah, obviously, right?

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It had to become from someone.

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So as I'm not living very close physically with my parents I unfortunately did not have the time to talk with them for a very long time.

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So during my therapy, I could only guess, or like I was talking with my therapist and we could only guess basically.

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Is mom or the dad or is it both?

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And funnily was that during my therapy I was always thinking it is more my dad.

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And then lucky me was able to travel to Germany for a good, nice holiday in in July.

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And and then I was with my parents for quite a long time the first time in.

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In three years.

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Years.

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And yeah.

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And I realized very quick at the very first day, oh no, it's my mom.

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Oh my God, she's horrible.

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Like horrible in the most positive way of oh my

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right.

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Was this post-diagnosis that you took this trip?

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Oh yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Did your family say about it?

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Did you share it with him?

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So yeah, I shared it with my mom, right?

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So my mom was a nurse, like all her life.

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Which I don't know how much it helped in, in that case.

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I have some parts of this being very.

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Strict and very untouchable for feelings I have from my dad.

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So it, my dad would be, would I rather not the person that I thought that I would talk with it about it rather my mom.

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But yeah.

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I think also from the history, going maybe shortly back to this East Germany cultural thing that it was maybe very hard for my mom and that time.

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To even think about this.

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Could your son have something like this?

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Without, not negatively saying is your son sick?

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But thinking about this, do you want to confront yourself with this?

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Do you want to agree on doing a therapy?

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Who do you tell, will you tell your friends like your friends that you have, like I'm talking outta my mom's perspective.

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Do you tell your friends I'm going with all in, out to therapy.

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How would they react?

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So it's a.

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There's a lot of pressure from society that may not, that may prevent you from doing this.

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So saying this I'm also can say, I'm not mad at my parents or anything like, Hey, why didn't you see this earlier?

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Because I know and back, right?

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Especially in these days, in these circumstances, there's a lot of societal pressure that just tells you, nah, I don't wanna do this.

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And also when your son is doing great, I was not bad in school.

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I did good.

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Above average.

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So why would you do this?

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Why would you, as a parent, right?

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We can't understand it.

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Why would you say ah, I gotta check on this brain.

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Yes and also as we were talking briefly chatting off camera, there's this whole societal.

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Prejudice towards these conditions, which we are now beginning to look at it differently, and it's about time that happened, right?

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Where we are not stigmatized we are not invalidated because of a neurological condition that is there from birth.

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And society is beginning to, in different regions of the world, society is beginning to look at it a little bit differently and we need to keep talking about it.

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And that's why your story is so important to be told.

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When we talk about our experiences in the first person and we can help other people re see themselves in our experiences, that leads them to be able to obtain information to live life more authentically.

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I think that's.

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Wonderful.

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So lemme transition for a second and let's talk about how A DHD shows up in the little details of everyday life.

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For you, it was rushing showers or saving your best clothes for a day That.

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Never came and only later discovering the joys of colors and plants.

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So could you share a few of the, of these everyday A DHD moments and how did a diagnosis change how you see them now?

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Yeah, so the problem is that all the things that you discover you knew before.

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It's nothing you discover is nothing new.

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It's like you knew of them before, but it's just a way of seeing this them and seeing them also understanding them that this little thing could mismanage your life in a bigger way.

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And yeah.

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Let's maybe take the example of, like a super random A DHD thing.

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So you have always this thing of perfectionism, right?

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For a lot of things, which is not a bad attitude in general.

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But I'm doing a breath.

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There's a bread, there's butter on it, and then you want to put cheese on it.

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That cheese is not formed like the form of the bread.

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This makes all sense.

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So normal people would just took two slices and put them on and they will eat the bread and they're going on Happy with delight.

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A DHD people can't do this, right?

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So I am cutting two or one and a half slices of bread with exactly the form of the bread, and so it fits, and then I'm happy and then I'm eating.

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So now you might say, or everyone might say, yeah, but it's not a bad thing, right?

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Okay, you will take longer with the bread, so go on.

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What's the issue?

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No, it's obviously not, but it's just an example of if you do this in a bigger scale on a lot of things.

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Then that breaks you down, right?

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So it's not to get off these little things, but it is bigger because you do the same thing, the same structure of your brain that it needs, things needs to fit in this because otherwise you feel uncomfortable.

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That is the bigger scale.

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And and and that is in a lot of things.

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And that can be in work life and in and private life.

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And that's a good exception.

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And maybe to, I'll to bring this back also with the shower cutting showers, it's maybe also an example where other people might not understand.

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What do you mean?

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So when you shower all your life.

00:17:38.096 --> 00:17:47.455
Unknowingly, or you know it, but you don't even think about it very quick, just because you think showering is, it's just to clean your body, right?

00:17:47.455 --> 00:17:51.056
So you, why would you spend more than five minutes on it, right?

00:17:51.415 --> 00:17:53.726
Or seven and a half, whatever you time it.

00:17:54.165 --> 00:18:01.875
And realizing that while you're showering, your brain is so busy to coordinate the movements.

00:18:02.746 --> 00:18:07.125
Of the shower, that there's no space in the brain to enjoy the shower.

00:18:07.586 --> 00:18:16.316
And that's the problem with having a shower and enjoying the drops of water on your body instead of your brain being super busy with this.

00:18:16.645 --> 00:18:20.266
And if I speak about it, does it hurt or something?

00:18:20.266 --> 00:18:21.496
No, it does not like you.

00:18:21.496 --> 00:18:22.486
You don't feel it.

00:18:22.486 --> 00:18:28.615
Like, all my life, I was not, it was not, my showers were not bad or, it didn't feel uncomfortable.

00:18:29.276 --> 00:18:34.875
Let me say this, like my life in general was never uncomfortable, but it is better, right?

00:18:35.086 --> 00:18:42.695
That's maybe a good thing to say in general, like after my diagnosis, it's not that I'm, oh my God, I'm a completely new person.

00:18:42.996 --> 00:18:43.651
I am like my life.

00:18:44.451 --> 00:18:46.070
Doubled and tripled in fun.

00:18:46.070 --> 00:18:49.820
And before that I was very upset and in my cave, no.

00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:56.851
But there's a lot of things that all of a sudden are like, oh wow, this is how this is and this is how this feels

00:18:57.901 --> 00:18:58.685
That's what exactly.

00:18:59.445 --> 00:19:07.006
One of the many advantages of coming to a diagnosis, because a lot of people say, now I am so many years old.

00:19:07.036 --> 00:19:13.846
Why do, now that I've achieved this in life, why do I now want to get this diagnosis?

00:19:14.365 --> 00:19:18.490
Because it allows you to understand so many things about how.

00:19:18.746 --> 00:19:22.556
Your sensory overwhelm, how you process the world, how you see things.

00:19:22.885 --> 00:19:35.306
It allows you to see yourself through a very different lens with a lot more compassion and with a lot less guilt, and you begin forgiving yourself for all those times that you have used.

00:19:35.306 --> 00:19:39.806
Labels like This is not normal, or this might appear weird.

00:19:40.385 --> 00:19:42.875
It's not, it's how you process the world.

00:19:42.875 --> 00:19:51.756
It's a different way of navigating through life that your brain requires certain kinds of adaptations in order to feel comfortable.

00:19:52.086 --> 00:20:02.346
And the example of the shower, a lot of neurotypical people, for example, people who don't have a neurodivergence they don't think about the shower.

00:20:02.346 --> 00:20:04.336
They just go into the shower and just.

00:20:04.885 --> 00:20:06.026
Get showered, right?

00:20:06.125 --> 00:20:31.536
But for many of us, it involves an entire process of neuro sensitivity to get there because there are a lot of steps until you get to the point where you get into the shower, there is undressing, there is turning the shower on there, is stepping into the shower, there is picking the shampoo and all of those mental processes, can be overwhelming.

00:20:31.776 --> 00:20:48.375
And so that is why some of these tasks become difficult or overwhelming for some of us, you're correct that it is difficult to explain to someone who doesn't process the world that way, but it also doesn't mean that we are broken or that it's wrong.

00:20:48.705 --> 00:20:49.455
It is just.

00:20:49.490 --> 00:20:50.270
Different.

00:20:50.601 --> 00:21:03.471
And once you know that, once you know that, I know that for me, Oliver, for me, Anita, that taking a shower involves demanding the resources in my brain a lot more than other tasks.

00:21:03.471 --> 00:21:10.221
For example, now that you understand that you approach it in a different way, you approach it in a more gentle way.

00:21:10.221 --> 00:21:11.786
I dunno if that makes sense.

00:21:12.425 --> 00:21:12.681
Yeah.

00:21:13.655 --> 00:21:16.471
Less thinking about thinking, so to say.

00:21:17.381 --> 00:21:17.671
Yeah.

00:21:18.006 --> 00:21:23.256
So let's turn to work for a moment where a DHD can be a paradox.

00:21:23.326 --> 00:21:26.986
On the one hand, procrastination can be overwhelming.

00:21:27.635 --> 00:21:34.256
And on the other hand, perfectionism can stall you, but also hyperfocus, right?

00:21:34.256 --> 00:21:41.266
Those bursts of energy and attention and passion that drives success.

00:21:42.141 --> 00:21:47.931
You found a motto, which I absolutely love, just start Perfect it later, right?

00:21:48.050 --> 00:21:51.590
So how does a DHD play out for you in your work?

00:21:51.590 --> 00:22:00.441
How do you experience hyper focus, both the gift and the challenge, and what helps you push through the procrastination aspect?

00:22:00.981 --> 00:22:05.571
So for this also, I immediately, when I found out about this.

00:22:06.596 --> 00:22:07.557
There was like a click.

00:22:07.557 --> 00:22:13.946
I was like over looking at my recent work years seeing okay oh, this and this happened, right?

00:22:13.946 --> 00:22:18.017
So I was working in a software company in Germany for over 10 years.

00:22:18.017 --> 00:22:19.247
So quite a long time.

00:22:19.487 --> 00:22:25.717
I made a very good career there and there were sometimes projects that were very challenging, right?

00:22:26.287 --> 00:22:28.047
And I postponed them right.

00:22:28.977 --> 00:22:30.987
Simply is ah, I wanna do this on Tuesday.

00:22:30.987 --> 00:22:32.156
I'm doing it, and then it's Tuesday.

00:22:32.156 --> 00:22:34.586
And ah, you put it on Thursday and you postpone.

00:22:34.586 --> 00:22:35.852
You postpone, and you postpone.

00:22:36.192 --> 00:22:40.862
And in that process also you ask yourself sometimes or you feel bad.

00:22:41.021 --> 00:22:43.271
You, because you think you're lazy, right?

00:22:43.852 --> 00:22:50.571
Until you find out that all this postponing is not because you're lazy, it is because you're overthinking the result.

00:22:50.711 --> 00:22:53.592
If you think workwise, there's a project, right?

00:22:53.592 --> 00:22:54.821
And here's the result.

00:22:55.192 --> 00:22:56.342
Your brain is here at this point.

00:22:56.872 --> 00:22:58.852
You already perfectionism this.

00:22:59.481 --> 00:23:01.662
And you you wanna skip the way there, right?

00:23:02.082 --> 00:23:08.521
Which is an advantage because you know already what you want everything, but it's so much here in that part.

00:23:08.521 --> 00:23:14.582
But you, but then you have problems to get there and then you stall and then you will never get there.

00:23:14.821 --> 00:23:21.372
Or yeah, you will have one night end of super hyperfocused and then you do the work of.

00:23:21.852 --> 00:23:26.061
20 work hours in two, and then everything is done and it's good.

00:23:26.271 --> 00:23:33.672
You're also not really happy because you realized, damn, if I would've started this earlier, I could have made so many good things.

00:23:33.672 --> 00:23:37.092
And you are like, and then you're not super happy, right?

00:23:37.122 --> 00:23:40.646
Which is also an A DHD thing because when you're done.

00:23:41.352 --> 00:23:48.011
You already think of all the things that you could have done better, that could have been better, so you really hard with yourself still.

00:23:48.352 --> 00:23:53.481
And you're in this rollercoaster of doing this again and again with with whatever work it's right.

00:23:53.961 --> 00:24:00.511
And, yeah, that was, it was funny looking at it back, now it's, I dunno but no one knew.

00:24:00.541 --> 00:24:03.571
That was also something that I never talked, obviously with my boss.

00:24:03.842 --> 00:24:06.632
It's also not something that I talked with my parents or something.

00:24:06.632 --> 00:24:14.761
Look, I had a project that started, like I got the task like two months ago now, yesterday in an overnight session, I did everything in 10 hours.

00:24:15.271 --> 00:24:16.926
And it's that would've helped, right?

00:24:16.926 --> 00:24:20.826
Or it's upsetting a little bit that there was no one that I could really talk about this.

00:24:21.272 --> 00:24:21.569
So does

00:24:21.569 --> 00:24:29.970
it help now to manage your time or your work or your approach to these things, knowing that you have a DHD?

00:24:30.359 --> 00:24:34.319
Do you have new tools that help you navigate these waters?

00:24:35.390 --> 00:24:35.750
Yeah.

00:24:35.750 --> 00:24:37.309
You still have to push yourself.

00:24:37.309 --> 00:24:56.700
There's this little boundary that you have to break through, but as you now know, the history and what I just mentioned is this moment of realizing how good and maybe also how easy the project maybe because you are really good, because your brain is good and you are not lazy.

00:24:57.109 --> 00:24:59.869
So it's easy now to break through this barrier, right?

00:25:00.079 --> 00:25:01.430
I'm still postponing some things.

00:25:02.204 --> 00:25:05.380
At work it's very normal, but I'm, but it's way less, right?

00:25:05.650 --> 00:25:10.089
And I'm rather now can see this in the most positive way.

00:25:10.329 --> 00:25:13.210
I'm rather saying that I'm not saying I'm lazy.

00:25:13.210 --> 00:25:14.289
No, I'm gifted.

00:25:14.339 --> 00:25:18.900
And I know my power I will use my superpower to solve this problem.

00:25:19.319 --> 00:25:22.019
And I'm looking happily forward to it, right?

00:25:22.019 --> 00:25:23.039
I'm not afraid.

00:25:23.490 --> 00:25:26.190
And yeah, that, that helped me recently a lot

00:25:26.789 --> 00:25:42.210
and giving yourself permission to feel, and those days where you just can't, and not because you don't want to, but you just can't give yourself permission to say, okay, so today, or this moment or this hour, I can't.

00:25:42.299 --> 00:25:43.109
And that's okay.

00:25:44.491 --> 00:25:54.872
A DHD is not only about focus, it's also about emotion, and you've shared how hard it can be to regulate feelings in your relationship.

00:25:55.021 --> 00:26:04.142
Those quick reactions, the overwhelm and therapy reframed it for you, not as a failure, but as part of how you are wired.

00:26:05.001 --> 00:26:09.172
So how has a DHD shaped your relationship with your partner?

00:26:09.172 --> 00:26:15.201
What has been the hardest part about emotional regulation and how has therapy helped?

00:26:16.323 --> 00:26:28.057
So one, one very simple thing that I learned, and it's funny thinking of you learned this with 40 or 41 is very simple when you're angry.

00:26:29.433 --> 00:26:31.834
Whatever situation, what has is cost.

00:26:32.413 --> 00:26:33.074
Breathing.

00:26:33.223 --> 00:26:34.544
Breathing helps.

00:26:35.294 --> 00:26:35.864
Full stop.

00:26:36.134 --> 00:26:39.344
So as an adult, you may have heard this before, right?

00:26:39.344 --> 00:26:42.253
This is not something new, but actually doing it.

00:26:43.243 --> 00:26:46.094
Not, and not feeling weird about it, that's the problem.

00:26:46.394 --> 00:26:54.068
So really standing in your own life and having and being angry with your partner about whatever it's right, it doesn't matter.

00:26:54.368 --> 00:26:59.048
And then standing there and being able to tell yourself from a third perspective.

00:26:59.239 --> 00:26:59.568
Hold on.

00:27:00.993 --> 00:27:01.354
Breathe.

00:27:01.624 --> 00:27:06.273
Like doing the actual and it's not, sometimes you, we use this as a, just as a phrase hey.

00:27:06.273 --> 00:27:06.604
Breathe.

00:27:06.673 --> 00:27:07.304
Relax.

00:27:07.814 --> 00:27:10.544
Yeah, but no, you need to do it as a physical thing.

00:27:10.574 --> 00:27:12.913
And there's there's a lot of, there's, it's scientific.

00:27:12.913 --> 00:27:15.163
It's not just a thing, it's scientific.

00:27:15.223 --> 00:27:19.894
It's when you breathe, there's more oxygen, your brain can work better.

00:27:20.223 --> 00:27:23.163
And then your brain will figure out and tell you, oh, you're ang.

00:27:23.973 --> 00:27:28.953
You're not, you don't wanna talk now because things that you say in anger are not really what you think.

00:27:29.253 --> 00:27:30.483
They're just coming out of you.

00:27:30.584 --> 00:27:34.953
So the physical possibility of doing this is something that you need to learn.

00:27:35.384 --> 00:27:45.848
And yeah, that, that is something that helped and maybe A different example or a very simple a DH ADHD example in partnerships is you're not listening to me, the phrase.

00:27:46.058 --> 00:27:47.229
So as we have.

00:27:48.023 --> 00:27:50.493
And deficit in paying attention.

00:27:51.034 --> 00:28:08.213
So if you have a one-on-one conversation and someone talks, the funny thing is I knew, I remember this being there all my life and it's funny, I can laugh about it so hard because how it had been for a lot of people that I talked before in my life, not just partners in any conversation.

00:28:08.213 --> 00:28:12.354
And it's mainly about like really a convers, you sit on someone on the table, right?

00:28:12.403 --> 00:28:13.618
Or like eye to eye.

00:28:14.269 --> 00:28:21.558
This person talks and you're listening, but then your brain goes, wow, that's an interesting picture there in the back.

00:28:21.558 --> 00:28:26.959
Or someone's driving by or like anything that distracts you and you are, or you calculate.

00:28:27.413 --> 00:28:30.624
The hours that you have until you have to do your next thing.

00:28:30.624 --> 00:28:34.794
You know your brain is somewhere else, but it's not, it's but it's not a bad habit.

00:28:34.794 --> 00:28:37.193
It's not that you think, oh, that person is boring.

00:28:37.193 --> 00:28:38.423
I can't listen to it.

00:28:38.663 --> 00:28:39.923
No, it's not right.

00:28:39.923 --> 00:28:46.443
It's just that you're unfortunately distracted but you can't imagine, everyone can imagine that's very dangerous in a relationship.

00:28:46.493 --> 00:28:49.324
Especially if you're the man and women have this.

00:28:50.298 --> 00:28:51.739
Men, they never listen, right?

00:28:51.739 --> 00:28:54.689
So it fits to the, to this the stereotype of men.

00:28:54.689 --> 00:28:55.648
They never listen.

00:28:55.739 --> 00:28:58.138
And then you come and you absolutely don't listen.

00:28:58.288 --> 00:29:02.519
I talk to you and I can see that you're not listening because I can see your eyes are somewhere else.

00:29:02.878 --> 00:29:05.189
So that obviously brought a lot of problems.

00:29:05.189 --> 00:29:06.628
So now that my girlfriend knows.

00:29:07.368 --> 00:29:08.689
She just knows about it.

00:29:08.689 --> 00:29:11.568
She knows maybe when to stop or she knows when we don't.

00:29:11.868 --> 00:29:15.939
It's not worth it now to have a serious conversation because your brain is somewhere else, right?

00:29:16.209 --> 00:29:19.548
But there's also very simple physical things that that we can do.

00:29:19.778 --> 00:29:21.729
There's these little balls that you can use of

00:29:22.239 --> 00:29:23.019
fidget rice.

00:29:23.048 --> 00:29:23.499
Yes.

00:29:23.538 --> 00:29:24.229
This tots.

00:29:24.229 --> 00:29:27.169
So this is one simple example, what you can do.

00:29:27.169 --> 00:29:28.868
So I can do different things now.

00:29:28.868 --> 00:29:33.578
So when we're at home, for me, it simply helps that I'm doing something wireless.

00:29:33.788 --> 00:29:36.778
And it's a very simple scientific thing that you.

00:29:37.439 --> 00:29:40.108
You are not able to just stand there and listen.

00:29:40.108 --> 00:29:42.209
You can't because your brain wanna do more.

00:29:42.598 --> 00:29:53.308
So that means if you do something on the side, and for me, it's like I'm in the kitchen and I'm just cutting something and listening to you, and I can better listen to you when I do something on the side than when I'm just listening.

00:29:53.489 --> 00:29:56.719
That sounds very controversial, but it is the truth for me.

00:29:57.028 --> 00:29:58.769
And I figured it out now, right?

00:29:58.769 --> 00:30:00.868
I, and even if I just walk laps.

00:30:01.814 --> 00:30:08.324
I just walk around, I would be able to better listen to you as if I would sit and try to concentrate on your words.

00:30:08.324 --> 00:30:09.074
It's very funny.

00:30:09.983 --> 00:30:09.993
I

00:30:10.118 --> 00:30:16.499
I absolutely agree, and it happens to many of us, when we stem, when we have to.

00:30:16.574 --> 00:30:23.503
Engage in additional tasks while we're listening in order to process all the information that's coming in.

00:30:23.804 --> 00:30:29.144
It actually, as you say, helps us listen better, helps us understand better.

00:30:29.193 --> 00:30:35.868
I have learned to do a ton of different things that are not as noticeable when I'm talking with someone or.

00:30:36.294 --> 00:30:45.894
Sitting in a meeting, for example, that helped me regulate the sensory overwhelm without it being too overt is, in a way that means that I am masking still.

00:30:46.493 --> 00:30:48.144
Because yes, you're correct.

00:30:48.144 --> 00:30:53.894
It does help you listen better when your brain is otherwise engaged it demands it, yeah.

00:30:53.943 --> 00:30:56.703
So let's look a little bit towards the future.

00:30:57.003 --> 00:31:00.933
A late diagnosis carries grief, but also relief.

00:31:01.564 --> 00:31:05.554
And you mourn lost time, but you also gain a new story.

00:31:05.624 --> 00:31:13.453
You have an opportunity now to live in your authenticity and for you, A DHD came late, right?

00:31:14.023 --> 00:31:15.703
As opposed to as a child.

00:31:16.544 --> 00:31:18.284
How do you see your future now?

00:31:18.443 --> 00:31:23.364
Because you are living it as your new identity and not shame, which is wonderful.

00:31:23.844 --> 00:31:33.723
And now with a DHD as part of you and what would you say to someone listening, someone who suspects they might have a DHD, but hasn't been diagnosed yet?

00:31:34.817 --> 00:31:39.017
Do therapy as if you would go to the gym.

00:31:39.662 --> 00:31:40.656
Or to do yoga.

00:31:40.662 --> 00:31:43.172
Yoga or to do spa, right?

00:31:43.382 --> 00:31:52.372
So I will never forget the sentence from my therapist when you're thinking of therapist costs, therapy costs, money also good.

00:31:52.912 --> 00:31:55.221
So even investing, right?

00:31:55.281 --> 00:32:01.451
And depending on whatever things you have in life, whatever your hobbies are, where you invest money, you may have to cut.

00:32:01.826 --> 00:32:02.517
Something off.

00:32:02.586 --> 00:32:07.176
But the same as you would do it for one of these activities that I mentioned before.

00:32:07.487 --> 00:32:13.362
You will take a risk that you think maybe it's not worth it, but maybe it's right and I can just tell anyone.

00:32:14.112 --> 00:32:15.192
It's right.

00:32:15.432 --> 00:32:19.602
I've never counted the money that I spend and I hopefully will never do.

00:32:19.961 --> 00:32:23.721
But living in Mexico I'm happy that I did it here.

00:32:23.721 --> 00:32:27.882
It would have to be way more expensive in any western countries to be fair.

00:32:28.392 --> 00:32:32.231
So I was very lucky with this, but it is absolutely worth it.

00:32:32.231 --> 00:32:34.832
And you're investing in your life.

00:32:34.862 --> 00:32:36.332
You're investing in your future.

00:32:36.852 --> 00:32:41.201
If you think of like physical therapy is what you do with the gym.

00:32:41.201 --> 00:32:48.461
You go to the gym to be healthy and you have muscles that support your your joints when you are old, so to say.

00:32:48.741 --> 00:32:51.442
So you do something for your future, and it's the same with you.

00:32:51.442 --> 00:32:53.872
Why would you not invest money for your mental health?

00:32:54.142 --> 00:32:54.231
Yes.

00:32:54.632 --> 00:32:56.882
When you do the same for your physical health, right?

00:32:57.182 --> 00:33:06.491
That is something very normal to say, but I know there's still a lot of people out there that may say, ah, like, how do I tell my parents?

00:33:06.491 --> 00:33:08.531
How do I tell my friends I go to therapy?

00:33:08.531 --> 00:33:08.592
Yeah.

00:33:08.876 --> 00:33:08.967
God,

00:33:10.383 --> 00:33:28.532
it's unfortunate that there's still a lot of stigma surrounding these issues, and broadly speaking, there's also stigma surrounding therapy as a whole, but that's also why it's important that we tell our stories, that we visualize these things because times are changing.

00:33:29.597 --> 00:33:40.488
It is important as you say, that we take care of our mental health under a different lens and not a pathologizing lens and not a disease, but an empowering.

00:33:41.343 --> 00:33:47.282
Oliver, your story shows that diagnosis isn't the end, it's the lens.

00:33:47.403 --> 00:33:48.512
Lemme ask you something.

00:33:48.512 --> 00:34:00.208
If you had an opportunity to talk or write a letter or a short note to the 12-year-old self Oliver, when he was 12 years old, what would you tell him?

00:34:02.268 --> 00:34:11.027
Now in retrospect, knowing everything you know about yourself and having experienced and lived through life, what would you want him to know?

00:34:11.027 --> 00:34:15.978
If there's an Oliver out there listening who's 12 years old and who might have a DHD?

00:34:17.485 --> 00:34:18.045
That is tough.

00:34:18.106 --> 00:34:25.791
But maybe first thing is I think I would tell myself to not be too hard with myself.

00:34:26.715 --> 00:34:31.846
Because that often led to an uncomfortableness at childhood, right?

00:34:32.536 --> 00:34:46.456
Don't think everything that your parents is telling you is the only way to do it, is the plain truth, even though you trust them, it's not find your own ways through life and I don't know.

00:34:47.396 --> 00:34:52.657
Go to therapy when you think you're ready to do it right?

00:34:52.657 --> 00:34:52.867
Yes.

00:34:52.927 --> 00:34:57.496
You don't wanna force yourself, but yeah, it's, this is just do it.

00:34:58.567 --> 00:35:06.246
So in closing, Oliver, how would you summarize what you have lived through, what your experiences have been through this last year?

00:35:06.246 --> 00:35:10.836
If you could share with the listeners what it's been like, it would be wonderful.

00:35:12.166 --> 00:35:18.626
I can just say my life changed in the most positive way that I've never expected.

00:35:18.726 --> 00:35:19.327
To happen.

00:35:19.896 --> 00:35:29.556
I've never experienced something like this to, to deep dive in, into your childhood or in your whole life without seeing things negative.

00:35:29.666 --> 00:35:31.677
Hey, what have you done when you were young?

00:35:31.757 --> 00:35:38.927
Just seeing the things that happen and conclude out of is why did this affect in the way you are doing it now?

00:35:39.146 --> 00:35:44.217
Also seeing at the same thing when I say my life is it is a positive change.

00:35:44.967 --> 00:35:51.586
Not saying at the same time, all my life now was super tris and then super sad until now and now everything changed.

00:35:51.766 --> 00:35:57.016
No, it was also great and everything that happened like it was, and it was great the way it was.

00:35:57.016 --> 00:35:58.367
We can't go back in time.

00:35:58.476 --> 00:35:59.617
But we can make.

00:36:00.217 --> 00:36:03.246
Everything now more positive.

00:36:03.297 --> 00:36:07.347
You thrive of knowledge of something all your life, right?

00:36:08.097 --> 00:36:09.447
Every day you learn, right?

00:36:09.717 --> 00:36:14.367
Isn't it great to learn so much about yourself at once?

00:36:14.617 --> 00:36:23.556
Out of a sudden you know who you are, why you do things, and how to use yourself as a super weapon with.

00:36:23.947 --> 00:36:37.746
Hyper focus and with planning and being just like an absolute machine and problem solving, like figuring out, oh my God, I'm so much quicker in solving this than you, and then it's because of a DHD, and I'm so happy about it.

00:36:37.746 --> 00:36:41.237
Now I go around and use it as a super weapon instead of.

00:36:41.927 --> 00:36:44.903
Procrastinating and then, and and not using it good.

00:36:45.409 --> 00:36:53.059
Or blaming yourself, castigating yourself for things that you really didn't understand why were happening and the way they were happening.

00:36:53.449 --> 00:36:55.250
And now you have a name for it.

00:36:56.000 --> 00:36:56.269
Yeah.

00:36:56.480 --> 00:36:56.750
Yeah.

00:36:56.809 --> 00:36:57.409
It's great.

00:36:59.885 --> 00:37:01.894
So so much freedom, right?

00:37:01.894 --> 00:37:03.755
It's so much freedom and it's so nice.

00:37:03.804 --> 00:37:08.965
I think I personally never would have sat like anything negative to A DHD people.

00:37:08.994 --> 00:37:10.684
I also had zero knowledge.

00:37:10.755 --> 00:37:10.815
Yeah.

00:37:11.414 --> 00:37:15.465
But now I would also be, I would run around and hug people and say, you have a adhd.

00:37:15.644 --> 00:37:16.005
Cool.

00:37:16.065 --> 00:37:17.235
It's so great, isn't it?

00:37:17.445 --> 00:37:20.579
Like I would ask, like you're in a club, you're in a big club.

00:37:20.610 --> 00:37:22.760
And I would ask these people, what are you also do this.

00:37:22.820 --> 00:37:23.269
Haha.

00:37:23.269 --> 00:37:23.960
It's so funny.

00:37:24.269 --> 00:37:27.150
So I'm super happy of meeting people now.

00:37:27.655 --> 00:37:29.344
And yeah it's just great.

00:37:30.034 --> 00:37:30.155
Yeah.

00:37:30.155 --> 00:37:43.235
It's wonderful that you're sharing with us this idea of finding authenticity through your identity and your new found identity is a source of pride and joy which is inspiring.

00:37:43.835 --> 00:37:52.445
And our, I wanna thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with Neuro Rebel, with me, with our listeners.

00:37:53.090 --> 00:37:58.489
And you really have an inspiring story to tell, and I wanna thank you for your time.

00:37:59.690 --> 00:38:00.800
I thank you.

00:38:00.829 --> 00:38:02.480
I'm very happy that I was here.

00:38:02.480 --> 00:38:03.030
And yeah.

00:38:03.719 --> 00:38:04.559
Thank you so much.

00:38:07.681 --> 00:38:38.755
Oli Journey reminds us that late diagnosis isn't a tragedy its Transformation history e what researchers like Michelle ma and elle documented that Particular dos diagnosed later en life involve complex process of identity reconstruction and self compass here's what makes oli experience so illuminating he didn't just receive a diagnosis.

00:38:39.050 --> 00:38:59.750
He permission permission to understand why showers required so much mental why perfectionism could para him why brain cre movement to listen properly and permission to reframe decades of self criticism as a neurological difference.

00:39:01.260 --> 00:39:21.099
S part study suggest that up to seventy five percent of adults with ADHD remain undiagnosed with women and people from cultural backgrounds particularly likely to slip through the diagnostic cracks but behind every s a.

00:39:21.099 --> 00:39:22.679
Human being like Oliver.

00:39:23.139 --> 00:39:39.550
Discovering that their cor have names their struggles have explanations and their differences have value his advice rings with wisdom earn through experience do Therapy to the gym.

00:39:39.550 --> 00:40:04.639
Because understanding your neurodivergent brain isn't self indulgence itself advocacy it's the difference between surviving your differences and Thriving because of them if you recognize yourself en oli the your experience es valid.

00:40:08.619 --> 00:40:13.010
Isn't broken it's beautifully brilliantly different.

00:40:14.164 --> 00:40:27.277
Thank you listening to if this episode resonated with you share it with someone who needs to hear oliver's message that it's never too late to understand yourself more deeply en the diagnosis.

00:40:31.023 --> 00:40:38.213
until next time keep questioning the narratives that no longer serve you en keep celebrating the magnificent.